Ascension evolved from moments of awareness. Call them triggers or catalysts that elevated my emotions and passions to a degree that left me at times breathless and disconcerted.
Since the fall of 2009, I felt stagnant – weighed down by expectations I placed upon myself and what I felt others wanted. Nothing seemed to inspire me to create or consider a new series. For me, I could never evolve without the blessings of Allah. I wanted to explore my faith and spirituality through my paintings. Would my new work be accepted? It all came to a focal point, a decision that I needed to make.
Wednesday, Dec 9th, 2009 - I heard a new song by one of my favorite artists and 1st moment was triggered;
“I've lost the use of my heart
But I'm still alive
Still looking for the light
And the endless pool on the other side
It's the wild wild west
I'm doing my best
I'm at the borderline of my faith
I'm at the hinterland (countryside) of my devotion
I'm in the front line of this battle of mine
But I'm still alive
I'm a soldier of love
Every day and night . . .
- Soldier of Love, Sade
Sade writes and sings about all the spiritual and cultural turmoil I felt as a Muslim-American. She keeps repeating – “It’s a wild wild west, I’m doing my best.” Images of President Reagan and Bush in cowboy hats popped into my head. “But I’m still alive,” Sade sings, “Still looking for the light and the endless pool on the other side. I’m a soldier of love.” This all spoke deeply to what I was thinking. For eight, long damned years “I lost the use of my heart.” I was numb and wary of being open and free to the idea of being who I was as a Muslim. And even after 2 years now with a new president, I was still worried and afraid. Will this last? Can I truly feel a part of the fabric that makes this country so great? Can I stop worrying and just be the Muslim that I want to be – the artist that I want to be?
Friday, Feb 12th, 2010 - I was on the bus heading to the Downtown Islamic Center for prayer when the 2nd moment enveloped me after reading the first three verses of Surah (Chapter) 79, An-Naziat in the Quran;
“By the (angels) who tear out (the souls of the wicked) with violence;
By those who gently draw out (the souls of the blessed);
And by those who glide along (on errands of mercy).”
I was drawn to the verses intensely and particularly the 3rd verse. After conferring with my father about the meaning of these verses, I was still unsure about indulging myself in visually interpreting any part of this Surah. How do I even begin to show such an inspiring description and do it justice? And then I read verse 29, “Its night doth He endow with darkness, and its splendor doth He bring out (with light)” and a feeling of calmness began to ebb into my being. For months I left it alone, I knew that Allah would give me the knowledge and fortitude to understand how to make this next step in my journey happen.
Thursday, May 20th, 2010 – NASA’s Hubble telescope released its latest images. The 3rd moment burst in front of my eyes. Verse 29 revealed itself to me in the “splendor” of the cosmos itself – breathtaking images of stellar constellations, the birth of stars and supernovas, gases and cosmic dust ebbing and flowing in every corner of the universe. This was the very essence of Ascension – “Its night doth He endow with darkness, and its splendor doth He bring out (with light).”
I am “still looking for the light and the endless pool on the other side.” That the journey is all that is important -endless and meaningful.
Ascension is about my journey and how it represents humanity trying to uplift itself from the chaos of wars and reality of life. As Sufi Rabia said, "I want to put out the fires of Hell, and burn down the rewards of Paradise. They block the way to God. I do not want to worship from fear of punishment or for the promise of reward, but simply for the love of God."
